Have you ever noticed-that when someone seeks forgiveness, at times “the other person” doesn’t feel or react to the urgent need (stimulus) for forgiveness (reaction).
Sometimes the person asking for forgiveness sees a very different, immediate need for reconciliation, i.e., to be forgiven by the other right away.
What’s important to be mindful of is that forgiveness is a process, not a one-time or even many-times event. Both parties should be aware that process is very individualized, thereby giving some slack to each other, in the process.
For the person seeking forgiveness-her sense of urgency & need-is the primary way to erase this specific debt of one’s guilt (and shame). It be the ego’s weight on your crinkly, cardboard shoulders. Acceptance, compassion, & respect are key attributes in progress towards a reconciliation.
Guilt implies the necessity of re-channeling behavior that often emerges with conflict. Shame, the feeling of personally bottoming out of one’s self-respect. For example, when a relationship gets interrupted by stress, conflict or trauma, often the outcome is shame and it reacts, thinking that it’s culpable, and “I’m just a mistake, a piece of shit-damn, look what I did again. I’m freakin’ hopeless!”
For a pause, imagine in your mind that you’re taking a cruise on one of those ultra-huge cruise liners. The Captain announces to all that the ship is entering a storm zone; he gives an order to all the seafaring staff to get rid of the ballast, any extra weight on board. Anything “extra” has to go!
Initially, your anxiety level shoots out the roof; after a while you realize this truth: if the vessel is lighter, it may have a better chance of weathering the storm!
There’s a metaphor here for what forgiveness is like-all of the heaped up crap you feel on your shoulders & in your gut-dump it, let go of the load! Seek your forgiveness from the people you may have wronged, intentionally or not, or hurt, because all humans have this capacity to wrong or hurt.
Unconditional Love has paid off your debt; grace is a, wrapped turban around your head, better to search out forgiveness if you need it, better to do this than end up in the morgue dead.©CBB May 24, 2016